she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
