That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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