Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
