so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
