Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
