lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
