i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
