I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
