The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
how drunk are you?
Several
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
