Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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