STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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