R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
