you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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