it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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