You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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