I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
