Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I FOUND THE LEGS
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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