I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
