Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
that is very illegal...i love you.
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