I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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