I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Randomize
