About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
