yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize