And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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