giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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