I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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