i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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