I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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