i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize