The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
