the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize