I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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