you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
