youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
