Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
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