Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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