It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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