She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Randomize
