yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
