Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
