and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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