Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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