You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
is that a dick in a sweater?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
