I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I stole a fireplace last night.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
