how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
