tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
The power of my boobs compel you
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
