And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
