you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
