i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
