Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I AM VODKA MAN
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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