You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
