watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
