why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
