fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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