I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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