never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
