I think I just saw someone hide a body.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
