My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
