I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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