Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
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