I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
