Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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